Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Or, at least, should get their prying, nasty little noses outta my business.

My lovely grumpy old lady (b***h of a) neighbor has opted to not discuss her concerns with me, like an adult, and instead attempted a preemptive manuever to air her grievances about my alleged attracting of a rat to her property to the village powers that be. Ahh yes, how nice. Lucky for me (and unlucky for her) that my good friend just happens to be the beat reporter for the local newspaper who covers the village meetings. Lucky me that my friend snagged her cell phone and called me quick to come down because nasty neighbor-lady was airing her woes. And lucky me that I was home, and was able to attend and address the facts of the matter. Fact #1 being, it was likely not a rat. There is no evidence of a rat, anywhere, nor is there a carcass of a rat, nor is there anything that would be attracting a rat. Fact #2 being that I not only know this because I am NOT STUPID, but I have it on the authority of the ag man from the county extension service. Fact#3, I offered to call a pest control expert, and neighbor-lady refused to take me up on the offer. Fact#4: We only have her word, based on her son's word, that there was a rodent in the first place. And Fact#5, I have been extremely accommodating and careful and considerate to this point, but my patience is wearing thin and seriously, enough slandering is enough. Let's not forget, either, that her conversation (read: yelling tirade over the phone) indicated it was my use of straw that attracted the rat, not the having of chickens or rabbits or dogs or cats on the property. It is also lucky me that at least one or two of the board members appear to have some inkling of sense, and are inclined to not take grumpy neighbor-lady's word as gospel. It is also lucky that one of them happens to be a farmer within the village limits, who agreed with me on the above facts. ((sigh)) I love my neighbors in general, but this particular b***h could just go choke on her own grumpiness and I wouldn't be concerned for her. Harsh much? You betcha.

So what is my solution, gentle readers? As her primary concerns appear to be seeing a "mess" when she looks at my yard (I believe she means my garden, but I'm not sure...she is very vague and just repeats "mess...messs...messss" like a deranged parrot with Tourette's syndrome), I thought I would take away her view. So I called my handyman Jack, and he is coming over tomorrow afternoon to take measurements to install a nice, tidy, tall privacy fence which will block her view of my garden and backyard. I will be checking with the town clerk to clarify any restrictions in said privacy fence, although I believe that there are none given the lack of ordinances in general in this village. You never know, though, so I will be a good doobie and check. I would prefer a nice hedge, but that would take too long to grow...and she would likely think it was untidy. Oh dear, her world must be so stressful, don't you think? Messy messy life everywhere. I am torn between the standard stockade fence, and a prettier one made of trellis panels that I could grow a nice rose across. But to eliminate her view, I am thinking that the dog-panel, stockade-type fence will be just the ticket. I won't even paint it pink in her side. I will, however, be secretly making rude gestures at her from behind it. Nyah nyah nyah. Blech.